ariachristina

my parents are sunshine
but without else, on a desert.
here in chicago, cloudy days,
wide water.

Legs

- - - - - I want long lean

- - - - - - - - - - luscious

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - love legs

-

- - - - - smooth soft sad

- - - - - - - street strut legs

-

- - - - - fast free fifth-beat

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - funk legs

Becky Stark

chips 93
p.1/frontispiece

The Funeral Trio

First, Stan Getz:

My father always plays your CDs on Sunday mornings

Bringing relentless Brazilian sunshine into the house

The finely wrinkled eyes

Paths of light

Bloodred flecks brown, earthy yellow

A translator from light to sound to emotion

Even the girl from Ipanema might shed a tear or two.

-

Then Dr. Seuss,

Stumbling his way down into the dark subconscious

Mind

Painting it with brightstripes, licking the walls of thought

Happily to tast the simple joy

To give the finger merrily to Freud

And other such somber grown-ups.

-

The slap in the face--

Miles, Time is before time

Too cool, torn-voiced pimp

Silverplay, brasshustle

Grasped by a hand from the sky

His own hand unseeing, dancing

Lungs, throat, and cheeks doing what they do.

Did.

John Brinker

chips 92
p.92. volume 55. blue w/Her Back on cover.

swing

aint worth
if you aint got
- that

titles

you need to whisper
don't accept me - it's more about where i am going - so different without you - come closer - so you're not angry? - i'm not done growing yet - he looks crazy to me - i'd like to be lost with you - i hate everyone, i hate everything, say sandwich, don't look at it, thursday?, that's not mine, mine!, give me that - just when we have become close, you have to leave - to me they are the only real things in the world - i would be lost without you - you have become a ghost - now now now - the only thing i want, i can't have - what is it like out there? - how do i look in your eyes? - just hold me - you couldn't have known - i wish we could talk like we used to - i'm here - i just want to go home -I don't want to forget you -i was lonely for something i forgot about - please forgive me if i take you for granted

for sam brown's drawings

For page after page our characters exchange comments that are insignificant but heavy with desolate unhappiness: 'Are you cold?' 'No, I'm not cold.' 'Would you like some tea?' "No thanks.' 'Are you tired?' "I don't know. Yes, perhaps I'm a bit tired.' This is how our characters talk. They talk like this because they don't know how to talk anymore. Little by little the most important matters, the most terrible confessions, come out: 'You killed him?' 'Yes, I killed him.'

natalia ginzburg 'Silence'

a plea so desperate

-"what do you want me to do? stand on my head!?"
-please. stand on your head.

Lorrie Moore, I think: How to be an other woman.
and a plea so desperate it reads, come get me yesterday from a book I never read by?~Laurie Colwin ~ sleeping arrangements ah Laura Cunningham: on Page 86: "...am driven into the camp. Later that night, I scribble a postcard plea to my uncles, an appeal so desperate it reads: "Come get me yesterday."

at all

one night of love don't make up for six nights alone
but I'd rather have one than none Lord I'm flesh and bone
sometimes it seems that she ain't worth the trouble at all
but she can be worth the world if somehow you can touch her at all

Willie Nelson -
Waylon Jennings

atlantis

bookstore on Santorini
your past life 11/8 pm You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Greece around the year 775.Your profession was that of a sailor or shoemaker.The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation: The world is full of ill and lonely people. Do you remember now? do. you. remember.

love invents

Elizabeth, the book's protagonist and sometime narrator ah so it was not just the manuscript copy I read- It's startling when the book shifts to third person just before the halfway mark. "She was not drippingly miserable, she was not an affront to society," the narrator tells us. "She paid her bills. She didn't smell or piss on other people's lawns. She suffered from the opposite of `phantom limb' syndrome; something essential appeared to be present, but it was not." {she didn't become manager at the used bookstore where she worked and she didn't go to law school and she didn't own any cleaning supplies, which her mother would have said was a bad sign}
Elizabeth exists only when love, or at least the semblance of sex, exists. interesting-review-bostonphoenix
I was looking for this line: "it is a life that makes sense to me. . . . I am happy every morning and I am sad only late at night."

sensibility

all the gifts and all the needs --R.Bespallof

breakdown, call it breakdown, what are you going to do about it? (that's what I'd like to know) --P.Simon
if it were me, I'd pretend the crack wasn't in me. pretend it's in the grand canon. - baby et up all her spinoza? --F.ScottFitzgerald

worn-out shoes --N.Ginzburg

alone, alone, I'm all alone --the bridge of san luis rey

and fall

szymborska 'a note' -as in the beginning, in the newyorker:
life is the only way to tell pain from what it is not,
to go on not knowing something important.
icarus, are you falling?

Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed:

Sorrow's springs are the same.

Thought is a form of grief. Spirits Hovering Over the Ashes, p.9.

Loretta Lux

The Wanderer, 2003

lorettalux.de
digitally altered lifochrome prints: Lux poses her models, the children of friends, most often against a bare wall and then digitally adds the backgrounds from photographs she has taken.

pale as many of these children are
what is doll-like?










Study of a Girl, 2002

isolation

you could write the book on isolation. the book says "you aren't there to read this."

your troll

you find a troll. he's black and sleek and smells like juniper berries so you take him inside.

99 luftbalon

literal translation of "99 Red Balloons" compared to English lyric (table)
ah rw -as I have little cut out papers of English translations undauf Deutsch.


Red the color has left forever (blog-vshort)

enthusiasm

the question is why induced seems like doom when I don't care whether on principle the enthusiasm is "real." the answer may be that from induced you will likely come down into a world that you made that you do not actually care about but now feel you must care for. (act like.) a world that you do not find yourself in but have put yourself in. that now looks like a thing to be sustained, that you do not want to -cannot- sustain. a burden to sustain. as always, Didion on self-respect:
To assign unanswered letters their proper weight [yes], to free us from the expectations of others [yes], to give us back to ourselves [please] -- there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect [integrity, or what you may call my belligerence?]. Without it, one eventually discovers the final turn of the screw [terror]: one runs away [yes I will - stop.] to find oneself, and finds no one at home.

in Berwyn

slightly off the beaten path for most Chicagoans but right on - for music lovers, FitzGerald's has been showcasing all kinds of roots music for more than 20 years in blue-collar Berwyn. - plays host to zydeco, country, swing, folk, and bluegrass acts - during the club's popular annual American Music Festival, perhaps all in the same night.
family-owned spot - well-mannered crowds of all ages - cozy, wood-framed roadhouse - looks right out of a movie set (Paul Newman, Tom Cruise filmed parts of "The Color of Money" here).
metromix.chicagotribune.com FitzGerald's 6615 W. Roosevelt Rd. Berwyn,IL 60402-1010 708-788-2118 Jimmie Dale Gilmore Nov. 11: 7 p.m. Price: $20

to anything else in a heartbeat

Goldbarth can connect anything to anything else in a heartbeat. Goldbarth's rapid, slightly talky style. -talky- Budget Travel through Space and Time: Poems marks a new publisher Graywolf Press and perhaps a new balance between Goldbarth's recent gravity and his much-appreciated levity ...on... ways one can travel, whether within the body's territory, beyond the body, or even "out of one's mind."

in this collection "Called from Out of the Lines of Your Life." -- vagueness or obscurity-- how it can both positively and negatively influence our lives -- this 8 page tour de force -- story of Eloise and Daniel, two residents of a nursing home. -- the murkiness of memory -- they have forgotten their separate pre-home lives and believe they are married --a fog-fueled delusion that nonetheless gives them an enlivening sense of purpose and well-being -- obscurity of their perception that allows each of them to see the other as a dream-like ideal. "years-long cloudiness" -- either an appalling or pleasant version of our past -- how Goldbarth allows his subject, vagueness, to impact his prosody.

singular

Kate Bush is, with no exaggeration, the most singular songwriter ever to emerge from the UK, a songwriter and performer who has always been utterly immersed in her own unique world - the corporeal, hyper-real and sometimes just plain surreal - and has explored it with no regard for fashion, relevance or commerce. - Mixed reception for Bush's long awaited return

Didion

New York Magazine - October 10, 2005:
Joan Didion on John, Quintana, her devastating memoir, and her persistent critics.

like suspense

(and here lies the heart of the difference between grief as we imagine it and grief as it is) the unending absence

Didion, Magical Thinking

more than one more day

I love you more than-
Quintana Roo Dunne Michael died on August 26 this year. She was 39.
Saturday October 1, 2005 The Guardian - In another world

be here to love me

2004 documentary of townes van zandt... showed June 05 Seattle film festival~ due for general US release this December~ dvd maybe in the spring. also -Heartworn Highways (1981)-

concerning the book that is the body of the beloved

such a title - ambitious and humble... George Orr is a gorgeous poet and this is a gorgeous book. -Mary Oliver

of a cold front yourself (for you)

_____

for you had been a cold front yourself lately

_____

the tension I felt / between the expected and actual / was like that time I came to you, ready / to say goodbye for good, for you had been / a cold front yourself lately, and as I walked in / you laughed and lifted me up in your arms

Linda Pastan ~ known to me from a standardized test, the SAT? came home and wrote down the line, I was 17 or.

I'm younger now-

_____
I want you to see me on my
own, younger now, a little brash but calm.

-
-history my dear friend, years away you say my name, I'm settled down. and I won't give up again. bloomed r.buckner

Menagerie

One morning you awaken too early and the animals are there sleeping peacefully all around you. The hyena. The giraffe with his head cocked petulantly on the lap of the hyena. And you wonder if they've been here all of your life, dozing in the wake of a thousand moons, a thousand crimes that you didn't have stomach enough to commit -
although it would mean this, this miracle among the souls of animals.And you. You with sheen before your eyes that so blinds you from their fine-ness. Finesse, they say, is a matter of competence
without ego. Hold me like flowers in the moon,says the giraffe. You're not sure whether he's speaking to the hyena or to you so you pretend not to hear him. This pretense goes on and on for years
until you have convinced yourself that the giraffe and the hyena are not really there at all. Your denial is so complete it is like an announcement to all the world. Then one night you hear the man inside of you say,Phfaww! Action. Action is the only thing of any consequence! It is the first voice in all the world, and it breaks the eggshell of quiet. The sound shatters the sheen from your eyes with astonishing effortlessness.
Suddenly there is a giraffe weeping like a flower in the moon.You gather the giraffe like a bouquet of your own neglect. And you rock it.You rock it.

by Ally Acker. w/ Gabi, Miles, 1995-6? a post on a wall, third floor, L---- cafe/restaurant/bar - 3 floors. WDC. 17th st? off from Conneticut Ave, Dupont near.

veirs, sia, drowning

__
Poetic video of beautiful alt-female tune from Laura Veirs.
slow-QT rw.

__
Music video for Breathe Me by Sia, song for the montage ending Six Feet Under.
quicktime? k.

__
Uncanny security video of 10yo girl saved from drowning.
BBC w/RealVid via lf rw.

Botticelli beauty blue eyes

Lauren Ambrose married Sam Handel, a photographer (whose photo of his wife accompanies this article).
-You got married when you were 23. What it's been like to be settled in your 20s at a time when most people your age, Claire included, are experimenting with their identities and hopping from one relationship to the next?-
"Well, it's been my experience, so I can't really compare it fairly. I just met the right person, and I really can't imagine my life being any different or any better." oh---

husband

...then Keith -- young, strong, and handsome -- catches the ball and turns to smile at David James Fisher (1969-2044)...

him singing

Well when you're sitting there in your silk upholstered chair
Talking to some rich folk that you know
Well I hope you won't see me in my ragged company
Cause you know I could never be alone

Take me down little Susie, take me down
I know you think you're the queen of the underground And
You can send me dead flowers every morning
Send me dead flowers by the mail
Send me dead flowers to my wedding And
I won't forget to put roses on your grave

end of big lebowski, last nite outside

Dead Flowers: Went to see Dead Flowers yesterday afternoon, and I agree with David Edelstein -- it's great. If you like bleak, that is. - Broken Flowers you mean? Great Stones song though, also bleak. I looooove bleak.

oh

Dale Chihuly

at Bellagio

...two thousand handblown glass elements

look what thoughts will do

guy clark she aint goin nowhere (shes just leaving)
townes van zandt why shes acting this way
-(lyle lovett she's already made up her mind)

from where

RCCRrrrrrrrrrrr

http://www.tekzoned.com/instest/

people like us

vicki bennett - do or diy
Artist statement

http://www.wfmu.org/playlists/PL
rh listening to:
June 29, 2005: Kites Have Fun See the playlist Listen
like it.

Wonderwater

Wonderwater (Alice Offshore) by Roni Horn
-four individual books contained in a slipcase
-each volume comprises a text written in response to the same selection of Horn's titles/phrases:
19th C. Water; Cabinet Of; Dead Owl; Gurgles, Sucks, Echoes;
Her, Her, Her and Her; Untitled (Yes); Water, Still; You are the Weather.
-the respondents are sculptor Louise Bourgeois, poet-writer Anne Carson, philosopher-writer Hélène Cixous, and filmdirector-artist John Waters.

Also (also rh):
InterReview.org--- Sex, Art, and the Dow Jones ---Review by Amy Ione

EARLIEST WORLDS

Coffee House Press (April 1, 2001)

The Monster Lives of Boys and Girls
Green Integer (December 1, 2003)

The California Poem------------------------------Where I Was From. Joan Didion. Coffee House Press (October 15, 2004)------------September 23, 2003) Knopf.

The Book of Jon.
City Lights Publishers (October 15, 2004)

-poet Eleni Sikelianos

nod

Between a child's progress from a heavenly world to a world that is a likeness of heaven and then to a world which is delivered and upheld by a dream of heaven, there is only the world.

from NOD, which begins:

And many frightening sights abroad
Till morning in the land of Nod -

so, under the rubric of a nursery rhyme, proceeds Fanny Howe's tenth book of fiction. ... the arch and caustic skepticism of what follows: "Meanwhile the father thought his wife was seeing through him. The fact is, he had for many years been subject to depression and his only way of surmounting this was to seduce with intense..."

Gone / Economics

-
I have a "Fanny Howe's great but nobody has explained why" speech.

jordan davis review, constant critic :

There are two books published this year under Howe's name. It's as if they were written by two different people: in the poems in Gone, the otherworldly Fanny Howe puns through psychological dilemmas and puzzles of Christian theology with a polished vocabulary and ambiguously connected lines; the worldly Fanny Howe writes consumable, laconic prose narratives with recognizable characters in Economics.

Their world is brighter and darker than this one.

Black and white thinking never gets anyone anywhere there.

if I dream I have you, I have you

So, if I dream I have you, I have you,
For all our joys are but fantastical;
...
John Donne - Elegy X : The Dream

jamais avant

Johanna SINISALO, Jamais avant le coucher du Soleil, Actes Sud, 2003.
Johanna SINISALO, Never before laying down it Sun , Southern Acts, 2003.
-Never Before the Setting of the Sun-

Un soir, Ange, jeune photographe talentueux, sauve un animal étrange des coups de pieds de jeunes délinquants.
One evening, Angel, young talented photographer, saves a strange animal from the kicks of young delinquents.

Nous sommes en Finlande. Tout est possible : l'animal est un jeune troll.
We are in Finland. All is possible: the animal is a young troll.

Ange est littérallement hypnotisé par cette rencontre qui changera sa vie.
Angel is littérallement hypnotized by this meeting which will change his life.

C'est un livre superbe. Une véritable découverte, la littérature finlandaise, bien loin de la littérature scandinave.
-well far-

jamais avant le coucher du soleil
09-04-2004, 23:30:32 marco
Notunderstood.skynetblogs.be (archive 04/2004) = or = (current)

IONA MOON

-do you love him?
-I know him.
-it's not the same.
-it feels the same to me.

it was all air and no air

childhood was a space with some people in it


( who will run the frog hospital by lorrie moore )

open your eyes

this is what I look like when I believe in you.

The Bathing of Mary Cassatt

at the sink alone in the squall
love and-
you say so and it's so easy, honey,
so slow like honey, are you seducing me?

the woman with the cloth around her waist
came in blue, she was without other colors
you are a such a pretty color
is such an easy thing to say, honey,
a walk in the blue with her and try to sing it.

melt like beeswax, standing at the sink-
there are jars here, there are vessels,
you do not have to be so uncontained
you can walk around in circles in the bathroom,
I still wouldn't know why you say so
and you still wouldn't tell me, honey, will you?

honey, honey, I feel so blue,
will you treat me like water on your hands?
open the cabinet, is there anything breakable?
this cloth has stripes, you stripe me blue and blue
the woman will turn against me, run like the faucet,
when will you be here against me?
honey, this is like misery.

in the squall
love and-
you say so and it's so easy, honey,
are you seducing me, I can see so blue.

christina's world

I walked out in a field, the grass was high, it brushed against my legsI just stood and looked out at the open space and a farmhouse out a ways
And I wondered about the people who lived in itI wondered if they were happy and contentWere there children and a man and a wife?Did she love him and take her hair down in the night...

- Andrew Wyeth.

and Side of the Road - Lucinda Williams.

pretty

art by davis&davis

northwestfilmforum

osymyso

another cute kitty

for now

for practice