the question is why induced seems like doom when I don't care whether on principle the enthusiasm is "real." the answer may be that from induced you will likely come down into a world that you made that you do not actually care about but now feel you must care for. (act like.) a world that you do not find yourself in but have put yourself in. that now looks like a thing to be sustained, that you do not want to -cannot- sustain. a burden to sustain. as always, Didion on self-respect:
To assign unanswered letters their proper weight [yes], to free us from the expectations of others [yes], to give us back to ourselves [please] -- there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect [integrity, or what you may call my belligerence?]. Without it, one eventually discovers the final turn of the screw [terror]: one runs away [yes I will - stop.] to find oneself, and finds no one at home.
